Due to a shit storm on the local scene it made me think about who you should trust, particularly people new to the scene who haven’t heard who the predators are, the rumours and the comments that might be old news to some of the more regular scene goers.
I’ve been made aware of things that I can’t repeat because I wasn’t there, I didn’t see it, it didn’t happen to me, I have no proof – so I don’t name names. This is not specifically about the recent shit storm, it’s about trust in general.
I just give general warnings to the odd newbie I meet like ‘get a baseball bat – you’re going to need it to fight the predators off’, ‘be careful who you trust’ and ‘don’t trust me, I’m biased’
We place so much emphasis on trust in BDSM and rightly so. If you’re going to be immobilised, alone and naked with someone who intends to hurt you, you sure as hell better trust them.
We bang on about it so much – trust trust trust trust trust.
It gets so that people seem to think that if you’re on the scene you ‘must’ be trustworthy, right? Because you know a lot of people and have a huge friends list you must be an ok man/woman. This isn’t so, but that’s what seems to happen.
Like being guilty by association people also seem to be given credibility and trustworthiness be association too.
I know people I would trust with my life in the scene. I know people I would trust others to scene publicly with, but would warn directly not to have a relationship with. I know ‘upstanding’ and ‘respected’ pillars of the community that make me count my fingers after we shake hands because they’re so dishonest. Then there are the majority, people I simply don’t know well enough one way or another.
I try to point people in the direction of people I trust – people I feel to be good and honest, but is that wise? Have I made the right choice or have I been hoodwinked by just another con artist? I’ve been taken in by people too, people who don’t want to know you when you no longer have what they want. So I do not give my recommendations lightly. I don’t trust many people at all.
Edit – My faith in my own judgement on who to trust is severely lacking at the moment due to many reasons. This brings up the point that trust is also a fluid concept. People I might meet today I might not trust at all – I could meet the same person a month from now and feel that they are worthy of being trusted.
So who do you trust? Not me, that’s for sure.