Thought I’d write a mini guide to help men make some progress with the women of fetlife.This is based on men being inherently dominant and women being inherently submissive. Dominant females are a myth in my opinion, they just haven’t met the right man yet.
1. Don’t bother reading their profiles, they’re basically full of shit anyway.
2. Ignore any relationship statuses, after all if you’re the best then you can have whoever you want.
3. Remember, if your the right man then things like domme/mistress/lesbian are meaningless. We all know that all women want cock and all women are sub right?
4. Profile pictures are important to women, make sure your cock is in focus on your main picture.
5. Numbers, numbers, numbers. It’s a hit rate thing. Mail as many women as you can, you increase your chances this way.
6. Use a standard format letter, it saves time and saves you having to think of new stuff to write each time.
7. Get them hot and wet by writing a very explicit story, it doesn’t matter if your not very good because women rarely notice bad spelling, punctuation, grammar etc.
8. Put them in their place. Describe them using words like bitch, slut etc. It’s a known fact that submissive females respond to these words.
9. Claim them straight away. Sweep them of their feet by telling them how you already own them. I find ‘kneel bitch’ always works well.
10. Give then time to respond to you. I suggest leaving at least 30 minutes before you have the right to demand a reply.
11. If they don’t reply to you or they don’t agree to meeting you straight away then they’re not right for you. They’re obviously gay or they’re not submissive. Point this out in a follow up email to them – at this point it’s probably best if you also point out that they’re ugly, fat etc and that you didn’t want them anyway.
12. Don’t bother trying to make polite conversation with them, this just makes you look weak.
13. Also remember, this is a kinky website. All the women here are basically looking for a fuck.
14. Refer to yourself as a Sir/Dom/Master – even if you’re only 18, women like to know you’re an alpha male.
15. Love every single one of their pictures, women like the attention and they won’t find it creepy at all.
16. Comment on their pictures when you feel that the artistic merit would be served by having your penis inserted in their mouth/pussy/ass. They appreciate the advice.
17. Also comment on their pictures if you feel that their ass could do with a spank – this really turns them on and is the reason they post the pictures in the first place.
18. Always remember to use capital letters to denote your dominance. Me, Mine, My, Dom, Master etc. It’s not pretentious or annoying, it just gets you the proper respect you deserve.
This list is not exhaustive but I’m sure if you follow each point then you too will soon be knee deep in clunge.
If any other I uber doms have further points, feel free to leave them in the comments section.
Edit – I don’t know why you lot seem to think this is so funny. It’s not a joke you know. I’m hurt and insulted that my genuine attempt to help people out has been mocked so badly. 😉